Friday, December 30, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Well, 5 days a little late, we have snow on the ground. And of course, the one day I had to drive, I got to battle good old Minnesota icy and snowy roads. Very safely though of course ;)

I can not believe how fast this break has gone by. Trent and I only get to spend two more nights in our beds and then its back to Texas. I'm currently, not ready to go back. I'm beyond words excited to go to South Korea, but this break has been better than I could have ever hoped for.
I got to go to my home church again!! So awesome. There is just not a pastor in the south who can measure up to my awesome pastor here in the north. And he did not let me down! The message he delivered on Christmas was very much everything I hoped and expected it to be. I miss this church! It was so nice to see all the faces who have been supporting Trent and I. Thank you again everyone. You're prayers have been such a blessing, and I pray God blesses you so much more than you have blessed us.
I got to see all of my family over our Christmas celebrations! I love having such a big family. I love just sitting and soaking in all the warmth and the love. I loved seeing all my grandparents again! Being down at YWAM there are many elderly people who help run everything. I didn't realize how much it made me miss the wise people in my life.
I got to see my very best friend! Only not as much as I had hoped to :( Still, it felt so great to see her again and just be with her and her family.
Last night I got to hang out with some of the girls who I had coached diving to before coming down to YWAM. I missed those beautiful ladies! That was so nice.
I'm hoping to see my theater family tonight. Its just been such a good break.
Overall though, the time I have gotten to spend with my family has been perfect. It has felt so good being home and being surrounded with this amazing love that has grown. This goodbye is probably going to be the hardest one so far.
But South Korea is calling us! And I am very excited. I think I have everything I need. Soon I get to start the fun process of trying to pack everything into a size and weight limit. ...joys
Last I was updated, Trent and I still owed about $600. I've been trying hard not to worry about it. I know God wouldn't bring us this far and not finish what He started. So if you are feeling led to partner with us in this Outreach please contact me and let me know so that I can inform my leaders money is on its way. Thank you again to everyone who has already been supporting us, financially and especially through prayers. I feel overwhelmed looking back and how much Trent and I have been blessed through this experience. Thank you to everyone who helped get us to DTS and through DTS haha :)
I pray that our King has blessed you all with a very Merry Christmas break. I don't know how often I will get a chance to write from here on out, but I'm told I'll have internet access, so maybe I can write a few short things while in Korea or get some pictures up :)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Snow For Christmas

Trent and I are back in Minnesota for Christmas! It feels so good to be home. It feels so good to be around my family and to have Christmas decorations all over the place. Talk about coming to home to a cozy home. So nice!

I can hardly wrap my brain around the fact that the lecture phase of DTS is over. All day I've been reflecting back on the things that have happened in the last 3 months. I've seen so much growing and so much change happen in every one of my classmates and in myself. Its so beautiful. Guys, God has done some crazy awesome things in us! We are such beautiful new people. I'm praying we all get the chance to love on the people in our lives over break. I'm praying that we stay protected in knowing who we have become in Christ. I feel so blessed to see the work He has done in each one of you!

My life has been turned upside down these last months! God has taken the desires of my heart and has made them a reality. How cool is my DADDY?! I look at myself and just feel new. I know that I'm new and I feel that I'm new. Its just good :) God is SO GOOD.

I'm hoping I get to see a lot of people while I'm home. I'm really excited to just be with my family. I'm excited to be in my home. Its just all nice. So nice haha :)

Monday, December 12, 2011

End of DTS

Oh man world. Its been way too long. December has been a crazy crazy month of extreme ups and extreme downs. I feel like I've been sprinting all month. I've literally been working on this post all week. But finally, down time, and this is some of whats been going on:
A couple weeks ago we had one of the coolest teachers ever! His name is Micah and he took us through 1 John: Am I really Saved? Can I know for sure? Wow. The teaching was intense. I stole his powerpoint so if anyone is interested in having it, email me and I'll send it to you bschwantz@hotmail.com
Here is a quick overview:
How To Know if You Are Saved:
1 John

A genuine Christian has a mark of authenticity upon him. There are 8 evidences that John gives us in First John. One of Satan's strategies in hindering the work of God is to reduce the gospel of Jesus into a formula so that people can enter by subscribing to the formula without every truly entering into relationship with God. In other words, just because you said "the prayer" does not necessarily mean you are a Christian.
Evidence #1 WALKING IN LIGHT: "If we say we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth." (1 John 1:6). A verse before, John tells us that God is light. There is no darkness in Him at all. So we can not be friends with Him if we are walking in darkness. To walk in darkness means to choose to dwell in sinfulness, to be in a state of habitual sin, to continue living like we used to live. I had become a "Christian" when I was 7 years old. But as I entered high school, my life did not reflect that at all. Even in college a little. I had a relationship with God. I prayed and read my Bible and He spoke to me as well. But I was definitely in habitual sin. This began my freak out of last week. I believe what the Bible says is true...so did this mean I was not a Christian?
Evidence #2 OBEYING HIS COMMANDMENTS: "The one who says, 'I have come to know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar; and the truth is not in him." (1 John 2:4) And the freaking out intensified. I had always considered myself as being in a relationship with God. But I knew there were things I was doing that were wrong. Did this mean I was a liar? I knew I wasn't keeping all His commandments. Obedience is the pattern of the Christian; sin in the exception, not the way that a Christian habitually lives. There is no salvation outside of having a relationship with God, truly knowing Him, not just about Him. And a person in relationship with God is obeying what He commands him to do. Romans 2:14 tells us we have no excuse for sin. We cannot claim ignorance for sin, because God has hardwired certain truths within us. A person's heart will race when he or she steals something, whether they are Christian on not. So how do I know if I'm saved? If I intend to keep God's commandments and obey Him no matter what. Before coming to DTS, I was not intending to obey some of God's commandments. I was planning to and expecting to sin in certain areas.
Evidence #3 LOVING THE BROTHERS: "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death." (1 John 3:14) This is not emotional. It is a commitment of the will to want the same rights for your neighbor as you do for yourself. Whatever you want protected for yourself, you must equally be committed to protect that for your neighbor. Love is charitable, benevolent, concerned. Bear one another's burdens. Shut out your neighbor and you also shut yourselves out of heaven. Who is your neighbor? Jesus answers this in Luke 10:25-37. It is the person you see who has the need. The neighbor is the person you see when you look out the window of your house. But now we have TV, and this is the window that opens up the whole world to us. It is the strategy of God. He put that funny little box in your living room, and it made you the neighbor to the entire world. Internet? Even more so. I know I'm saved if I love people.
Evidence #4 NOT LOVING THE WORLD: "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." (1 John 2:15) The world is all that attracts you prior to coming to God. You will know the saved by their attitude toward the world. Either you love the world or you love God. (Matt 16:23; John 14:17; John 15:19; Romans 12:2; 1 Cor 1:20; Eph 2:2; Phil 2:15) You can not commit your entire being to pleasing God and pleasing the world at the same time. When you see pictures of the devil, his fork is always represented as having 3 prongs for all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. These things are not of the Father, but are of the world. Lust of the eyes is represented by wanting things and possessions. Lust of the flesh is represented by wanting experiences (sexual, social, etc). Pride of life is represented by wanting influence, authority, power, and position. Its not wrong to want these things. Its wrong to want them outside of God's will or above God Himself.
Evidence #5 ABIDING IN CHRIST: "And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming." (1 John 2:28). To abide in Christ means to remain in relationship with Him. The person who refuses to recognize and surrender the throne of his heart to unconditionally obey the Lord Jesus Christ is not of Christ. Abiding in Christ does not mean going to church. People go to church all the time who do not have a relationship with Christ.
Evidence #6 HATING SIN & DESIRING TO PLEASE GOD: "By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother." (1 John 3:10).
"Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who continually is practicing sin is of the devil." (1 John 3:7-8). When I read this, I really had to ask myself, do I believe everything in the Bible or not. Before coming to YWAM, I was continually practicing sin. The devil had a hold on me. Sense being here, the best way I have found to stop sinning, was to ask God to give me the attitude He has toward it: a pure hatred for sin. It didn't happen over night. Its still a work in progress. But when I feel tempted to sin, I look to Jesus and ask Him to show me how He sees it. I want to pleasing to God above all else.
Evidence #7 HAVING THE WITNESS OF THE SPIRIT:
"Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us." (1 John 3:24). The Holy Spirit Himself personally brings the witness within our spirit that we have been born again.
Your spirit is who you are. It is your spirit that leaves you at death. It is your spirit that thinks and feels and knows. Your spirit that lives. Without it, we would just be an empty shell. It is also our spirit which is regenerated at salvation. "The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children" (Romans 8:16). The testimony of the Holy Spirit is an inward impression on the human spirit, whereby God directly witnesses to your spirit that you are a child of God, that Jesus loves you and that He died for you and that you have been reconciled to Him.
Evidence #8 OVERCOMING THE WORLD: "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world -- our faith." (1 John 5:4). And this is where my life was about to change. Overcoming the world means putting Jesus in charge. Stepping off the throne and allowing Him to do with me whatever He would like. Micah quoted a teacher he had in earlier years: "If you walk out this door tonight, and your planning on sinning, maybe you are not saved." I literally sank down in my chair after hearing this. I really had thought I had been a Christian all my life. My mind could hardly wrap around that maybe I wasn't. I was constantly planning on sinning and making up excuses for it. Oh this is just something I've always struggled with. Oh I'm a good Christian except for this one thing. etc etc so dumb. I was deceived.

So I ended up either giving my life to Christ for the first time or recommitting myself to Him. I'm honestly still not really sure, but at this point, it just doesn't really matter. Now I know that I know that I know that I am a child of God. I am saved. I dedicated my life in front of my class, along with most of my classmates. The next day, our staff took us to get baptized. Here is a video of mine :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULgpjIXqka4&feature=youtu.be
There's a link also on my facebook. The video is of my baptism and then a bunch of prayers and words people had for me. Its kinda hard to hear, but its all really awesome :)

Yesterday morning we had our very last lecture of DTS. I still can't believe it. On Monday we will be learning how to not be American while on our outreaches and spending time with our outreach teams -- my team gets to eat Korean food -- win :) Tuesday we will be deep cleaning this entire base. And Wed Kelsey, Trent, and I will be on our way back to Minnesota! I can't wait to see my family and go to my church and just see everyone!

Friday, December 2, 2011

The 3 W's and Soul Ties

Yesterday's class was SO GOOD! It really just spoke to me a lot with everything I am learning about and dealing with. It was more on prophecies. A lot of guidelines on how to go about interpreting prophecies, giving or receiving, and what to do with a prophecy you have been given. Good stuff. Good good stuff. Years and years of wisdom handed out in one class. And all of it things I can use to evaluate the prophecies I have been given sense coming here.

The very first thing she said was to record everything! Its hard to remember what God says to you when you are experiencing Him and His anointing. Its also hard to remember what was all said if you are wanting to hear something specific. And, if you are the one giving the prophecy, it helps protect you so that people don't put words in your mouth.

When you are recieving a prophecy, especially if you don't have a lot of experience with it, it is a tendency to jump and say its got to happen today. Man, do I know this is true. This is a huge lesson I am learning with some of the things I have heard about my life. You need to wait for God to line things up.

Determine God's Word on the matter.
Determine God's Will concerning the matter.
Determine God's Way and Timing to fulfill it.

The W's are like three traffic lights which all must be "green" before we can pass on through. When we get a Word from God, that is not the time to act on it. You don't need to manipulate or twist anything to get what God has for you. The way you get to it needs to be legit - HIS WAY! This is where I think I messed up. I started focusing too much on what God said, and didn't pay attention at all to how He wanted me to get there. I wanted to be there now. Everything I did or thought seemed to be about getting to that Word. Constantly, God has been telling me that now is not the time for that. Now is the time to just love Him and feel His love. He finally got that through to me. I'm just sorry how off the path I got without really even realizing it..."The prince of darkness is a gentleman..." (Shakespeare).
So if you get a Word from God, the first thing you need to do is match it up to Scripture. If what was told to you does not match up with what the Bible says, it was not of God. God does not contradict Himself. Once you have the green light on that, you need to seek His Will. And you need to wait until you get a yes. If you are unsure about God's will, stay put and wait. He'll make His will clear to you. Once you know that you know that you know His Will, you need to wait for HIS WAY. You must be faithful to wait until God's way is made clear. Not my way, His way. HIS timing, HIS methods, HIS provision.
We need patience to press on and pursue His will until His plan and provision is provided. You need to give God time to divinely control the situations involved. And you need to remember God's timing is not out timing. Jesus said He was coming back soon 2,000 years ago...

To sum up, class was just very good. I learned a lot. I learned that if I get a Word, I don't need to freak out about it. If it was of God, its His job to bring it about, not mine. I don't have to do anything but seek Him.

I'm really excited about something else I learned yesterday, kind of on the side of everything else. I had a rough night of weird dreams the night before that were really bothering me. I told my mentor about them. She said what she saw was that there were a lot of soul ties that needed to be cut. I gave her a questioning look. I have never heard of soul ties before. Her and I talked for a little bit and then I went to do research on my own. What I found lined up with what she said:

SOUL TIES
"But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him."
~1 Corinthians 6:17

soul ties: the knitting together of two souls that can either bring tremendous blessings in Godly relationships or tremendous destruction when made with the wrong persons. A soul tie in the Bible can be described not only by the word knit, but also by the word cleave, which means to bring close together, follow close after, be attached to someone, or adhere to one another as with glue.

In ungodly relationships these soul ties may place us in emotional and mental bondage. These ties can be established if the relationship is not under the Lordship of Christ.
GOD DEMANDS FIRST PLACE IN OUR HEARTS.
When our strongest soul tie is to God, there is a divine covering and protection that will enable us to withstand forming ungodly soul ties.
"For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called." ~Isaiah 54:5
The sexual union of marriage ties two souls as one. God created this gift for marriage, but the result of being knit together is not different if this is abused outside of marriage. Soul ties formed through illicit sexual involvement can be as strong and binding as those formed through the marriage covenant. Just as two souls can be knit or made to cleave together in a covenant relationship, they can also be tied or knit together to form bondage and enslavement. Sexual union was ordained by God to make two marriage partners one flesh before God, but promiscuous premarital and extramarital affairs can mysteriously tie ones soul to many partners. Catherine said there doesn't even have to be the actual act of sex to tie your soul to someone. It can be getting too close physically or emotionally outside of God's will. She said that God is probably trying to tell me that I have ties to people that I need to cut. She said she was attached to her first boyfriend for years and years. She just couldn't get over him. Until she learned about soul ties and prayed for God to release her from those chains. I am just in love with this idea.

After doing my research and reading Scripture to back what I was learning up, I sat and talked with God a little. I want to belong to God fully. I don't want to feel bonded to any guy on this earth until Jesus is ready to share me in a marriage. I told God I am all for this. So I prayed that He give me names of ungodly soul ties that needed to be cut. And He gave me names. So now I have a list of guys that I am so ready to cut all bonds with so that I can finally belong fully to my Redeemer. I haven't prayed with Catherine about them yet, but I'm sure I'll feel the need to write about it once it does happen! Jesus, I'm just beyond excited to give myself fully to you. All of me. Belonging only to You.

If this has touched the heart of anyone reading this, if you realize you have soul ties that need to be cut as well, and you want more information or would like to know how to get rid of them, feel free to email me bschwantz@hotmail.com or facebook me.

Also, Praise God for He is my Provider! $1,000 came in for us yesterday. We are almost half way to going to Korea now. Thank you for those who are supporting us!! You are such a blessing and you will be blessed.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Test All Things

(Sorry, I don't know why my computer has made this all italicized)

Today in class we practiced prophecy. And I learned that I am not very good at it. I know if God ever placed me in a situation where He needed me to give a prophecy to someone, He would give me the words to do it. But in this practice setting... yeah I didn't excel.

Prophecy has really peeked my interest this week. I have had a lot of people tell me things about my future since coming to DTS, but over this past weekend I realized that God Himself had not actually told me some of these things. If there is something big that is going to happen in your life, God will tell you about it. Its your life.

Karen, our teacher this week, said something along the lines that sometime people will give you a word and it will be wrong. This is why we need to "test all things."

"Do not treat prophecies with contempt
21 but test them all; hold on to what is good, 22 reject every kind of evil." ~1 Thessalonians 5:20-22

I raised my hand and asked her how exactly to test prophecies that are given to us. The first most important thing to do is look at how it lines up with Scripture. God never contradicts himself, so if the prophecy goes against the Bible, it's false. Then you want to ask "does this appeal to my spirit?" Usually we can get a strong sense of is this for me or not. Again, know that God would tell you if it was something big. If someone came up to you and told you God told them you were going to die tomorrow...if you have a relationship with God that's something He would probably just tell you. And finally, you want to look at motivations the person giving you the word might have. When we were given a 10 minute break, I went up to talk to Karen about this teaching. I told her a lot of the things that have been said over me since coming to DTS. She told me to write them all down and than lay it down at Jesus' feet. Pray about it and wait. If it happens, it was of God. If it doesn't happen, than it wasn't. No matter what prophecy we are given, it doesn't need to tie us down in any way or force us to change anything or live any differently. It's God's responsibility to bring it about, not ours. And as I went back to my seat and prayed about that, I just felt so much peace. I hate when things seem so obvious coming from someone else's mouth. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says we only know in part anyway. So I'm done worrying. What's been said about my future doesn't really matter right now. Right now, the thing that matters is my focus on God. I just need to focus on how much I love my Jesus and everything else will fall into place.

I started going through my journals today. I really want to see where God has spoken clearly to just me. Not based on what people have told me. I want to see where God has told me things. So far, there are three things that I know that I know that I know. But the even cooler thing is that I'm seeing a pattern to how I know that I know that I know. With these three things, I have multiple journal entries where I think this is what God's telling me. Eventually, God backs it up by giving me some Scripture relating to what He has been telling me. And, with each of these three things, at least one person has backed up what God has been telling me without them knowing what God has been telling me. Its all very cool :)

I'm half way through my week of fasting. And God has spoken some pretty cool things to me and given a few good revelations. Still more to come. I'm excited! Rough weeks always seem to turn out to be the best experiences with God.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Fasting, Tongues, and Love

I wish I would have gotten the chance to write this morning. That would have made my next blog so much cooler. So this morning, I was going to write about how I'm struggling a little bit. Usually, I am very good at knowing when God is speaking to me and when my thoughts are coming from somewhere else, but lately I've been having a hard time with that. I have had a lot of doubts in my head. I have a lot of questions that I want God to answer. So Monday at lunch, I talked with my beautiful mentor, Catherine, about it. She mentioned I just take a week to fast and spend some extra time with God. I took her right up on that. God has been slowly teaching me the importance of fasting, and I had already had it in my head that fasting from something was something I should do this week. Before talking with Catherine, I was just going to fast from chocolate...just because I couldn't really think of anything else. Fasting from food isn't usually a good idea for me. But after talking with Catherine and praying about it, God gave me a whole list of things to fast from this week. One of those things is facebook, so I won't be able to post this on facebook. Hopefully...people will still just check to see if I wrote anything. God doesn't need facebook if He wants people to read this. So there is that and a bunch of other things. Its a hard core fasting week. I want answers from God, and I want them now. That afternoon during class, over half my class was prayed over and received the gift of speaking in tongues. When our teacher, Karen, called people to come up who wanted to prayed over to receive this gift, I found myself at the front of the class...but then I noticed the time. It was almost time to go pick Trent up from child care. I don't like messing around with the Holy Spirit when I need to be somewhere soon. It gets way too easy to loose track of time and be late. So I went and sat down and watched God bless my classmates.

So that's what I would have wrote about this morning. NOW, I have a way cooler story. So this morning during class, we got right back into praying over a couple people who weren't able to speak in tongues yesterday. The Holy Spirit took over...I don't know how many of you have been in a room full of people totally overcome by the Spirit...its hard to describe without making it sound creepy. But anyway, I was just not feeling it. I was feeling worse than I had the day before. God had convicted me over a few big things that I was just feeling terrible about. I ended up walking out in the middle of class to go talk with Catherine...or more like cry my eyes out because I was feeling so empty and unsure of so many things. She said some awesome things...I felt a little better...sorta. I went back to class. People were on the floor. Some where out, some where laughing, some were speaking out things God was giving them for our class or for an individual. I sat down in my chair and started journaling to God about what Catherine had said. Like how this isn't a game to God. He doesn't want me to be in the dark. He doesn't want me to be deceived by the devil. He wants to communicate with me more than I want Him to. This is part of what I wrote:

I know You will speak to me.

I believe in who You are. You are my redeeming and loving Forgiver. I know You are here. Whether I can feel You or not. You are here.

Then God spoke to me (but of course I doubted it at first because that's just my thing these days) and told me to go over to Karen, kneel by her, and put her hand on my head. She was at that point on the ground experiencing the Holy Spirit with everyone else. She wasn't out, but He was clearly all over her. Because I was doubting, I didn't go up. But then my heart started pumping, my adrenaline starting rushing. Go! Just go kneel by her. I will take care of the rest. You have felt this before. You know this is Me. Go. So I went. I went to the front of classroom, stepping over bodies as I went. I knelt down by Karen and placed her hand on my head. She immediately started praying over me, and I immediately felt the Holy Spirit. The experience that followed is crazier and more unbelievable than what I have already talked about it, but this is a little of what I got out of today:
I do know God's voice. I know what it feels like when God tells me to do something, and I don't want to do it, but He makes me anyway. The darkness I was feeling was taken away. I once again feel beautiful and full of God's light and glow. Jesus is crazy in love with me. Crazy in love. This week of fasting has already shown me how little time I have given Him, and how much He wants that time. This week of fasting is not about God giving me answers. Its about me loving Him. Its about me just being in love with Jesus and once again giving my all to Him. Because He is so worthy. So worthy.
So I guess tomorrow is another day! I hope this blog didn't freak you out too much. I'm sure there is more to come. Having a week of learning about and receiving spiritual gifts on top of a week of fasting...I really set myself up to be blown away.

On a side note, I know Jesus is my Provider. I know He has called Trent and I to Korea. I know He will bring in the money through supporters. My leaders wanted the money yesterday. Trent and I had some supporters send money in, but we are still about $2700 short. So overwhelming when you just type it out like that. But again, I know God will provide. Please be praying about this with us!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Back to School

Thanksgiving break was so awesome. My family drove all the way down here to spend some time with Trent and I. Kelsey got to be a part of our family, which was awesome cuz I didn't have to miss her so much that way :) I don't know what I'm going to do when we have to split up after Christmas. I've just grown way too fond of seeing her beautiful face everyday.

Trent and I had such a good time hanging out with our family over the break. It was like we hadn't been apart at all. It was really hard to say goodbye again, but it helped knowing I'll be seeing them in just 3 weeks for Christmas :) I'm really excited to come home!

This week our classes are going to be on spiritual gifts...so I'm guessing my blogs this week are going to seem crazy. I'm nervous. I always get nervous when I'm about to be exposed to something I have little experience with. I've heard that our teachers this week sometimes will stop in the middle of class and call on two people to pray and prophecy over each other. I'm hoping God uses this week to reconfirm a lot of the crazy things He has told me in the past couple months. Please about this for me. I just want to know that I know that I know that I am in God's will and doing what He wants and not just picking out things that support my own desires. This is a strong prayer on my heart this week.

So I guess get ready for the craziness! I'm going to try to post on teachings and happenings this week, whether I think you will believe it or not. Just brace yourselves I guess :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving Break

Well Thanksgiving break has begun! It was a very short week, but of course it was awesome, and I was really impacted by our teachings.

Trent had a pretty interesting experience too...
Yesterday during childcare in the afternoon, Trent stuck his middle finger into a train track piece:
(the second one) After he struggled with it a little, he came over to me because he couldn't get it off. Of course I laughed. Just a couple weeks ago, Trent had stuck his finger into a toy during preschool, and his teachers had to break the toy to get his finger out. So I took him to the bathroom to use soap and water. Nothing happened. I tried pulling the thing off, but I started getting scared I would pull too hard and would end up dislocating his finger. So I walked him back to childcare and called Trent's good buddy, Michael. I thought maybe Michael could figure out a way to break it (which was dumb, these are thick chunks of wood) or would be able to work at getting it off while I stayed in childcare. Once Michael got there, he took Trent into the kitchen. A couple minutes later, Trent's other good buddy Jake, came into childcare to get me. I went into the kitchen with Jake to find Trent crying and some kind of yellow goup all over his hand. Michael said the same thing about not wanting to dislocate Trent's finger. The train piece was now wedged just under Trent's knuckle, and his finger was turned red. Someone suggested we take Trent to the nurse. So we jumped into Michael's truck and drove down to the building the nurse was in. Of course she was gone. Another woman there asked what we needed, and we showed her Trent's finger. She laughed as she examined it and said, "Oh this is no problem. Just a couple weeks ago we were up in the nursery area because a kid had stuck his finger and toy. We had to break it to get it off!" Trent got really quite and buried his face into Michael's shoulder. I started laughing and said that was him. We talked about maybe calling one of the ground's people to get a saw or something. She said in the meantime to get some ice Trent's finger that was no turning slightly purplish. So we drove back up to the kitchen to get ice. The ground guy Michael called was very against using a saw to get it off...for obvious reasons...Michael ran into the kitchen to get ice and soon was back out saying Ms. Debbie (the woman in charge of the kitchen) wanted to see Trent. So Trent and I went into her office, and I set Trent down on her desk. As she examined his finger she said, "Aren't you the kid who had a toy cut off his finger a couple weeks ago?" Again I burst out laughing. Oh the reputation my kid is going to have here. So Ms. Debbie got to work. What tried a couple things, but the thing that ended up working was she doused his finger and the track in olive oil.
The oil like softened the wood, and Ms. Debbie began pealing away the wood sliver by sliver. She used pliers to try to get under it. It was intense! At the end, Trent's finger had started swelling and getting really sensitive. I finally stopped laughing at this whole thing as he really started screaming in pain but then it was done! Ms. Debbie got the train track off, we got Trent's finger in some ice and it was done. I hope he learned his lesson. Michael and I took Trent to Walmart to get him a sucker. As soon as we were on the road Trent was like, "I'm never going to do that again." And then he passed out. Out like a light. He slept all the way to Walmart and stayed sleeping as we were in Walmart and he didn't wake up until he was buckled up again. Emotionally exhausted the poor kid. Oh good times.
...Of course we had to tell everyone in our school :)

The past couple days we had classes on Abortion with Bev Klein. My heart was on fire! She works with a ministry that is a part of YWAM - Fatherheart / Living Alternatives. "Fatherheart is a safe haven where a young mother can decide what will be best for her and her baby. There are no easy answers: single parenting, adoption, marriage, each presents unique challenges. Each too can carry a hope and a future for the mother. At Fatherheart, we walk the young moms through each option in a loving environment, so they can be sure they make the right decision." The more she talked, the more my heart burned. It literally took all I had to stay in my seat and not jump over my table and the table in front of me to get to her and shout, "Sign me up!" I hope God lets me work with her for a season :) That would be so awesome! God, I am so willing!

Anyway, so we talked about abortion. It was very intense. She walked us through what happens in the womb during each trimester, and then she talked about what kind of abortion was done during each trimester...complete with pictures. It was so sad. Beyond words. Sad is not the word. It was horrible and revolting. We talked about the difference humanism and Christianity. We talked about how Pro-Choice should be called Pro-Abortion, because that's really what it is. God is really the one who is Pro-Choice. He is the one who gave us free will and gave us choices. Its up to us to make the right choices. "Pro-Choice" has just become a nice way to say, "I'm ok with a mom choosing to murder her baby if it hasn't been born yet." We talked about how we don't even necessarily want to label ourselves as Pro-Life. People who are Pro-Life are very baby focused. This ministry takes the position of being Pro-Value. Both the baby and the mom have value. Both are taken into consideration. Its not just about saving the baby. Its helping the mom get through the pregnancy, and its helping care for her after the baby is born, whether she keeps the baby or gives it to a family for adoption.

We then went a little into relationships and talked about how if men in our culture would rise up to who God has called them to be, a lot of issues that center around abortion would begin to be eliminated. The best part was when she drew out a triangle. God was at the top. Man was on the bottom left and Woman was on the bottom right. Both are individuals that need to focus on moving closer to God, and the closer they get to God, the closer they get to each other. She talked about how God brought Eve to Adam, and we should expect Him to bring a woman to a man now too. Bev had this awesome quote: "Who you want at 22 is not who you will want at 55, so let God decided who you should be with and let Him bring her to you." So cool :) Takes a lot of pressure off!

We talked about a lot more in just these two days. It was very good. But this is already way too long so I'll stop now. Tonight I am going to my mentor, Catherine's, house with some girls for a movie night. So excited :) and tomorrow my family is going to be here!!! Even more excited :) Its going to be a good Thanksgiving Break. I have so much to be thankful for. I am so incredibly blessed. Thank you, God, for being so crazy awesome in your love for me! Happy Thanksgiving everyone and God bless!


Sunday, November 20, 2011

Pretty Much a Pointless Blog

Weekends are so awesome. I love weekends. This awesome weekend started Friday night with an even called "Love Feast." We all got dressed up and basically every person who is involved with the YWAM Tyler Base comes to Twin Oaks Ranch to eat an awesome Thanksgiving meal and be a family. I was very thankful to know a dorm full of girls who could help me get dressed up. Even if I would have known about this event, I wouldn't have really had anything to bring for it. Nothing I wore that night was mine. But it was actually fun to get dressed up! I painted my toe nails and everything. I am still surprised at how good it feels to have my toes painted. We are living in such a missionary environment where we are lucky to find time to get into a shower everyday. Simple blessings :) There is about to be a lot of cute pictures put up on Facebook from this event.

Yesterday was an awesome day. We (Kelsey, Trent, and I with a couple friends) got to spend the day off base at one of our friend's house. We played at the park, drank coffee, drank tea, ate an awesome home cooked meal, played dominoes, and watched a million movies. Lazy, awesome, relaxing day.

Today is, of course, laundry and homework day. yay.... I really dislike paying for laundry...especially when the machines never really seem to get my clothes clean. I will be so thankful to have my own washer and dryer someday!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

TheCall, TheCry, and The Medical Account of the Crucifixion

This week has been so crazy. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to write about The Call yet. But even now, I feel like there isn't much I can say. If I start talking about details, I could write a 20 page paper on the amazing things God did while we were there. I feel so honored that God called Trent and I to be a part of that experience. My eyes have started to be opened to the importance and value of fasting and prayer. Praying for Detroit and America as a whole was so impactful. The 24 hours was broken up into sections of what we would be praying for. We prayed for the end of racism and the end of abortion. We prayed for our country and for the leaders of this country. We repented of sins that had not been repented of. That was powerful in itself. Going up to The Call, I was expecting God to speak (riding in van for 26 hours and then praying for 24 hours and then riding in a van again for 22 hours is a lot of time with God. when you spend that much time with God He's going to speak). But I was blown away again by how much God spoke to me about what was coming in my future personally. God revealed a lot to me about my future family and things we would be doing. He reconfirmed a lot of things people have already spoken over Trenton. He began to have my practice using gifts from Him. He gave me words to say to people that I had no idea where they were coming from. And you know what? It was exactly what they needed to hear! How cool is that? Praise God!

On March 15th there is another amazing even like this happening. TheCry Hollywood. thecryhollywood.com Its going to be a lot like The Call with prayer and fasting, but instead of interceding for America and Detroit, people will be getting together to pray for Hollywood. My heart yearns so badly to be at this event. Hollywood is SO influential in our culture. I would love to see Christian start rising up again so we can impact the culture in a much more positive way. Christian movies (you can't deny it, it is the norm) are so cheesy. The acting is so so and the writing is corny. I want to see Christians rise up and make epic, amazing, Hollywood quality type movies. Movies that non-Christains would want to see, but would be impacted in a way God would be pleased with. I want to be a part of this in whatever way I can. Please keep this event in your prayers.

Class this week has nuts. A couple nights ago, we went over the medical account of Christ's crucifixion. It was amazing, interesting, and intense. I found it online, and I know its long, but if you're interested, read on:

The physical passion of the Christ began in Gethsemane. Of the many aspects of this initial suffering, the one of greatest physiological interest is the bloody sweat. It is interesting that St. Luke, the physician, is the only one to mention this. He says, “And being in agony, He prayed the longer. And His sweat became as drops of blood, trickling down upon the ground.”

Every ruse (trick) imaginable has been used by modern scholars to explain away this description, apparently under the mistaken impression that this just doesn’t happen. A great deal of effort could have been saved had the doubters consulted the medical literature. Though very rare, the phenomenon of Hematidrosis, or bloody sweat, is well documented. Under great emotional stress of the kind our Lord suffered, tiny capillaries in the sweat glands can break, thus mixing blood with sweat. This process might well have produced marked weakness and possible shock.

After the arrest in the middle of the night, Jesus was next brought before the Sanhedrin and Caiphus, the High Priest; it is here that the first physical trauma was inflicted. A soldier struck Jesus across the face for remaining silent when questioned by Caiphus. The palace guards then blind-folded Him and mockingly taunted Him to identify them as they each passed by, spat upon Him, and struck Him in the face.

In the early morning, battered and bruised, dehydrated, and exhausted from a sleepless night, Jesus is taken across the Praetorium of the Fortress Antonia, the seat of government of the Procurator of Judea, Pontius Pilate. You are, of course, familiar with Pilate’s action in attempting to pass responsibility to Herod Antipas, the Tetrarch of Judea. Jesus apparently suffered no physical mistreatment at the hands of Herod and was returned to Pilate. It was then, in response to the cries of the mob, that Pilate ordered Barabbas released and condemned Jesus to scourging and crucifixion.

There is much disagreement among authorities about the unusual scourging as a prelude to crucifixion. Most Roman writers from this period do not associate the two. Many scholars believe that Pilate originally ordered Jesus scourged as his full punishment and that the death sentence by crucifixion came only in response to the taunt by the mob that the Procurator was not properly defending Caesar against this pretender who allegedly claimed to be the King of the Jews.

Preparations for the scourging were carried out when the Prisoner was stripped of His clothing and His hands tied to a post above His head. It is doubtful the Romans would have made any attempt to follow the Jewish law in this matter, but the Jews had an ancient law prohibiting more than forty lashes. (Through trial and error, they knew that generally a person would die from infections about 3 days after receiving more than 40 lashes. If a person survived 40 lashes, they could not be tried again for the same crime. It was considered equal to the death penalty.)

The Roman legionnaire steps forward with the flagrum (or flagellum) in his hand. This is a short whip consisting of several heavy, leather thongs with two small balls of lead attached near the ends of each. The heavy whip is brought down with full force again and again across Jesus’ shoulders, back, and legs. At first the thongs cut through the skin only. Then, as the blows continue, they cut deeper into the subcutaneous tissues, producing first an oozing of blood from the capillaries and veins of the skin, and finally spurting arterial bleeding from vessels in the underlying muscles.

The small balls of lead first produce large, deep bruises which are broken open by subsequent blows. Finally the skin of the back is hanging in long ribbons and the entire area is an unrecognizable mass of torn, bleeding tissue. When it is determined by the centurion in charge that the prisoner is near death, the beating is finally stopped.

The half-fainting Jesus is then untied and allowed to slump to the stone pavement, wet with His own blood. The Roman soldiers see a great joke in this provincial Jew claiming to be king. They throw a robe across His shoulders and place a stick in His hand for a scepter. They still need a crown to make their travesty complete. Flexible branches covered with long thorns (commonly used in bundles for firewood) are plaited into the shape of a crown and this is pressed into His scalp. Again there is copious bleeding, the scalp being one of the most vascular areas of the body.

After mocking Him and striking Him across the face, the soldiers take the stick from His hand and strike Him across the head, driving the thorns deeper into His scalp. Finally, they tire of their sadistic sport and the robe is torn from His back. Already having adhered to the clots of blood and serum in the wounds, its removal causes excruciating pain just as in the careless removal of a surgical bandage, and almost as though He were again being whipped the wounds once more begin to bleed.

In deference to Jewish custom, the Romans return His garments. The heavy patibulum of the cross is tied across His shoulders, and the procession of the condemned Christ, two thieves, and the execution detail of Roman soldiers headed by a centurion begins its slow journey along the Via Dolorosa. In spite of His efforts to walk erect, the weight of the heavy wooden beam,(about 110 pounds) together with the shock produced by copious blood loss, is too much. He stumbles and falls. The rough wood of the beam gouges into the lacerated skin and muscles of the shoulders. He tries to rise, but human muscles have been pushed beyond their endurance.

The centurion, anxious to get on with the crucifixion, selects a stalwart North African onlooker, Simon of Cyrene, to carry the cross. Jesus follows, still bleeding and sweating the cold, clammy sweat of shock, until the 650 yard journey from the fortress Antonia to Golgotha is finally completed.

Jesus is offered wine mixed with myrrh, a mild analgesic mixture. He refuses to drink. Simon is ordered to place the patibulum on the ground and Jesus quickly thrown backward with His shoulders against the wood. The legionnaire feels for the depression at the front of the wrist. (The nails were actually put into the wrists. Placing them in the hands would have caused the nails to tear through his hand under the weight of his body.) He drives a heavy, square, wrought-iron nail through the wrist (between the two little bones) and deep into the wood. Quickly, he moves to the other side and repeats the action being careful not to pull the arms too tightly, but to allow some flexion and movement. The patibulum is then lifted in place at the top of the stipes and the titulus reading “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews” is nailed in place.

The left foot is now pressed backward against the right foot, and with both feet extended, toes down, a nail is driven through the arch of each, leaving the knees moderately flexed. The victim is now crucified. As He slowly sags down with more weight on the nails in the wrists excruciating pain shoots along the fingers and up the arms to explode in the brain — the nails in the wrists are putting pressure on the median nerves. As He pushes Himself upward to avoid this stretching torment, He places His full weight on the nail through His feet. Again there is the searing agony of the nail tearing through the nerves between the metatarsal bones of the feet.

At this point, as the arms fatigue, great waves of cramps sweep over the muscles, knotting them in deep, relentless, throbbing pain. With these cramps comes the inability to push Himself upward. Hanging by his arms, the pectoral muscles are paralyzed and the intercostal muscles are unable to act. Air can be drawn into the lungs, but cannot be exhaled. Jesus fights to raise Himself in order to get even one short breath. Finally, carbon dioxide builds up in the lungs and in the blood stream and the cramps partially subside. Spasmodically, he is able to push Himself upward to exhale and bring in the life-giving oxygen. It was undoubtedly during these periods that He uttered the seven short sentences recorded:

The first, looking down at the Roman soldiers throwing dice for His seamless garment, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

The second, to the penitent thief, “Today thou shalt be with me in Paradise.”

The third, looking down at the terrified, grief-stricken adolescent John — the beloved Apostle — he said, “Behold thy mother.” Then, looking to His mother Mary, “Woman behold thy son.”

The fourth cry is from the beginning of the 22nd Psalm, “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?”

Hours of limitless pain, cycles of twisting, joint-rending cramps, intermittent partial asphyxiation, searing pain where tissue is torn from His lacerated back as He moves up and down against the rough timber. Then another agony begins… A terrible crushing pain deep in the chest as the pericardium slowly fills with serum and begins to compress the heart.

One remembers again the 22nd Psalm, the 14th verse: “I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels.”

It is now almost over. The loss of tissue fluids has reached a critical level; the compressed heart is struggling to pump heavy, thick, sluggish blood into the tissue; the tortured lungs are making a frantic effort to gasp in small gulps of air. The markedly dehydrated tissues send their flood of stimuli to the brain.

Jesus gasps His fifth cry, “I thirst.”

One remembers another verse from the prophetic 22nd Psalm: “My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou has brought me into the dust of death.”

A sponge soaked in posca, the cheap, sour wine which is the staple drink of the Roman legionaries, is lifted to His lips. He apparently doesn’t take any of the liquid. The body of Jesus is now in extremis, and He can feel the chill of death creeping through His tissues. This realization brings out His sixth words, possibly little more than a tortured whisper, “It is finished.” His mission of atonement has completed. Finally He can allow his body to die.

With one last surge of strength, He once again presses His torn feet against the nail, straightens His legs, takes a deeper breath, and utters His seventh and last cry, “Father! Into thy hands I commit my spirit.”

The rest you know. In order that the Sabbath not be profaned, the Jews asked that the condemned men be dispatched and removed from the crosses. The common method of ending a crucifixion was by crucifracture, the breaking of the bones of the legs. This prevented the victim from pushing himself upward; thus the tension could not be relieved from the muscles of the chest and rapid suffocation occurred. The legs of the two thieves were broken, but when the soldiers came to Jesus they saw that this was unnecessary.

Apparently to make doubly sure of death, the legionnaire drove his lance through the fifth interspace between the ribs, upward through the pericardium and into the heart. The 34th verse of the 19th chapter of the Gospel according to St. John reports: “And immediately there came out blood and water.” That is, there was an escape of water fluid from the sac surrounding the heart, giving postmortem evidence that our Lord died not the usual crucifixion death by suffocation, but of heart failure due to shock and constriction of the heart by fluid in the pericardium. (Our Christ literally died of a broken heart.)

Thus we have had our glimpse — including the medical evidence — of that epitome of evil which man has exhibited toward man and toward God. It has been a terrible sight, and more than enough to leave us despondent and depressed. How grateful we can be that we have the great sequel in the infinite mercy of God toward man — at once the miracle of the atonement and the expectation of the triumphant Easter morning.

From New Wine Magazine, April 1982. Originally published in Arizona Medicine, March 1965, Arizona Medical Association.

Lord Jesus, thank you for your love. Thank you for loving me so much to do this for me so that we could spend every day together from now into eternity. What else could I do but give my life to you? You are my Savior, and I am so in love with you.