Providing for Elijah

So if you read my blogs on a somewhat regular basis - you know that I feel called to be down at YWAM Tyler in Texas. You know I feel called to work with a ministry of YWAM Tyler called Fatherheart. You know that the next step towards that is completing my SOE - which begins April 1st. And you know I need a lot of money in order to do this. And you know I have hardly any of the money that I need.
Being home this last month has been a resting and waiting period for me. God has closed doors to me working, or really to being very active outside my house at all. He has been letting me reflect and process things that happened over the last 5 months. He has been teaching me what it means to wait on His timing and what it means to be His bride. I want to share with you what He began teaching me yesterday.
I've been praying and praying for money to come in so I can go back to YWAM on April 1st. There is a SOE that begins in July, but with Trent starting school in September, I don't see how I could do that unless I worked up the courage to home school him while also doing ministry on an outreach. If that's what God wants, I know He'll give me the strength to do it. I have done crazy things riding on His strength before. However, the SOE that begins in July will have different leadership and different students. The one that begins April 1st is the second half to my specific school. It will still be my leadership and many of the students I did DTS with. So I've been spending my days with my King, asking what He wants me to do. But He just seems to want to take care of things all on His own.
I am willing to do whatever God asks of me. The desire of my heart is to follow Him where ever He calls me. In Korea, God took me through the lives of David and Solomon. Now He has started me on studying the life of Elijah. My Bible has a short profile on who Elijah was. This is some of what it said:

"God has work for us to do even when we feel fear and failure. And God always has more resources and people then we know about. The real miracle of Elijah's life was his very personal relationship with God...God speaks more frequently in persistent whispers than in shouts."

I read 1 Kings 17. God used ravens to bring food to Elijah, and used a widow with nothing to feed and care for him. "Then the LORD said to Elijah, 'Go to the east and hide by Kerith Brook, near where it enters the Jordan River. Drink from the brook and eat what the ravens bring you, for I have commanded them to bring you food." ~1 Kings 17:2-4 Then God tells Elijah to go to a widow who has nothing and ask for food. The widow tells Elijah she only has enough food to make one more meal for herself and her son and then they will die. Elijah tells her not to be afraid, "'For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: There will always be flour and olive oil left in your containers until the time when the LORD sends rain and the crops grow again!' So she did as Elijah said, and she and Elijah and her son continued to eat for many days. There was always enough flour and olive oil left int he containers, just as the LORD had promised through Elijah." ~1 Kings 17:14-16. God not only provided for Elijah, but also for this woman and her son as well. They obeyed and opened the door for God to bless them with containers of food that never emptied. Do you believe this stuff? Its in the Bible. Do you believe what the Bible says is true? God did this. God can do this kind of stuff. A study note in my Bible says this:

"In a nation that was required by law to care for its prophets, it is ironic that God turned to ravens (unclean birds) and a widow (a foreigner from Jezebel's home territory) to care for Elijah. God has help where we least expect it. He provides for us in ways that go beyond our narrow definitions or expectations. No matter how bitter our trails or how seemingly hopeless our situation, we should look for God's caring touch. We may find his providence in some strange places!"

This morning, my King continued with this theme. I read 1 Kings 18. Elijah challenges prophets of other gods to a showdown basically. Of course, the real God wins. The lesson from this chapter was that if God commands you to do something, he will help us accomplish what He commands us to do. God doesn't call us to do the possible. He calls us to do the impossible. It is His desire for us to lean on Him and let Him be our provider.
In America, we don't get very many chances to see God be a provider. We have so many resources and our culture teaches us to be independent. We are able to provide for ourselves. As stressful as it is, I'm glad God has called me to a life that does not match American culture or the American dream. As stressful as it is, I'm glad I get to learn at a young age what it means to wait on God's timing, what it means to believe in Him for miracles to make His will come about, and what it means to depend on Him to provide. I want my life to be like a modern day, Old Testament crazy Bible story. I want my life to show people how real God still is. I fully trust in God. I know that He is good, and His plans are good. I have done what He asked of me. When I return to YWAM is now fully in His hands.
And if you are in a situation where you need a provider, I pray this encourages you to look to THE Provider.

SOE Letter

My son, Trenton, and I have just completed an amazing and life changing experience. Through support and prayer, we were able to follow God’s call on our lives to attend Youth With A Mission’s (YWAM) Discipleship Training School (DTS) in Tyler, TX. During our first three months with this school, Trenton and I both grew in our faith as we learned more about who God is and experienced Him in extremely real ways. We were then sent on a two-month outreach to the country of South Korea where our eyes were opened even more to the power of God and to His redeeming love. While on outreach, Trenton and I, along with our team, were able to put into action what we had learned during the lecture phase of DTS. We worked with teenagers, showing them that being Christian isn’t about religion, but about the beauty of loving Jesus in everyday life and giving whatever He asks because of His great love for us. We taught English to students and to pastors. We led a VBS and participated in a camp about worship. We prayed over this country, its people, and all of its major influences. Having Trenton along was such a blessing for our team. No one can break through cultural barriers as fast or as well as a four year old. It was such a blessing for me to watch how close Trenton was able to get to everyone he met. The intense love he showed, with no reservations, did a lot of healing to many people we met. As Trenton spent his outreach experience building so many wonderful relationships, I was blessed to grow in ministering. I was able to lead small groups, speak about my testimony in small and large settings, and perform in a powerful drama about falling into sin and being rescued by our Savior. Being a positive voice into these beautiful people’s lives, and seeing Trenton and I grow so much at the same time, is a blessing and experience I will always treasure.

Now, I feel as though God is calling Trenton and I to attend the second half of YWAM’s training, the School of Evangelism (SOE). This will then allow me to staff with YWAM once I complete my SOE. There is a ministry of YWAM Tyler that God has really placed on my heart; Fatherheart takes in young, unexpected pregnant women. While these women live in the Fatherheart home, they are supported emotionally and spiritually through their pregnancies. The staff is there to support the mom’s choice of parenting or adoption and to help lay a foundation of success for both the mother and her baby. This ministry has become something my heart burns for, but the next step is completing SOE. As with DTS, in order to follow this call, Trenton and I will need prayer and financial support. The lecture phase for me is $3,645 and for Trenton it is $495. This does not include the cost of the two-month outreach. However, I will not be able to go back to YWAM with this money alone, so I would also like to ask you to prayerfully consider if God is calling you to partner with Trenton and I through supporting us monthly. No one is paid to be staff at YWAM. All the staff is supported through monthly supporters. This is how the people who are staffing are able to continue their call to missions. Because of my school loans and basic needs that come with raising a little boy, Trenton and I would not be able to go back to YWAM without people partnering with us in this way. We would need a monthly minimum of $350 in order to return to SOE.

The money needed always looks overwhelming to me. But I know that God will provide at the exact time He wants Trenton and I to return to YWAM. The next SOE begins April 1, 2012. If at that time I do not have the money needed, I will hold the money that has been given until I do have what is needed, and we will attend the SOE to follow. We are trusting in God: His timing and His provision. If you would like to know more about my DTS experiences and our trip to South Korea, you can look back on my blog: brittanyschwantz.blogspot.com. If you would like to hear stories, see pictures, or if you have questions, you can email me at bschwantz@hotmail.com or call me at 320-250-0842. If the Lord lays it on your heart to partner with Trenton and I monthly, or if you would like to support those finances, please send checks to:

Brittany Schwantz

13676 Co. Rd. 17

Holdingford, MN 56340

If you would like to partner with us through the cost of tuition, you can mail checks to the above address or straight to YWAM at:

YWAM Tyler

P.O. Box 3000

Garden Valley, TX 75771

If you send a check straight to YWAM, please also include a note with my name to ensure it is credited on my behalf.

I want to sincerely thank you for considering partnering with Trenton and I as we continue to go where God has called us to be. The desire of my heart is to do nothing but what God has planned for me and my son. I want nothing more than to be in the center of God’s will for my life, and I will continuously pray for Him to close or open doors as He leads me. Thank you for any support, prayer or financial, that you can give. I will continue to update my blog as events unfold. I am very excited to watch God continue to work in my life, Trenton’s life, and in the lives of people around us.

God Bless!

More Notes and Quotes from "The Sacred Romance"

Like the Parthenon, Colosseum, or Pyramids (abused, neglected, vandalized, fallen), we are still fearful and wonderful, beautiful and inspiring, sad and grand. We are "glorious ruins." But unlike those grand monuments, we who are Christ's have been redeemed and are being renewed as Paul said, "day by day" restored in the Love of God.

Every woman is in some way searching for or running from her beauty and every man is looking for or avoiding his strength.

My Role: Beloved of Jesus, sought after and pursued by the Great King

Being unable to defeat God through raw power, Satan's legions decide to wound God as deeply as possible by stealing the love of his beloved through seduction.

Satan's seduction of our heart always comes in the form of a story that offers us greater control through knowing good and evil rather than the unknowns of relationship.

"It is the nature of desire not to be satisfied, and most human beings live only for the gratification of it." ~Aristotle

"...it (is) not in them, it only comes through them and what (comes) through them (is) longing....They are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never visited." ~C.S. Lewis

Standing still long enough to look down this road make us aware of an anxiety inside, an anxiety that threatens to crystallize into unhealed pain and forgotten disappointment.

This taste of transcendence, coming as it does from a non transcendent source, whether that be an affair, a drug, an obsession with sports, pornography, or living off of our giftedness, has the same effect on our souls as crack cocaine. It attaches itself to our desire with chains that render us captive.

"Nothing is less in power than the heart and far from commanding, we are forced to obey it." ~Jean Rousseau

Our heart will carry us either to God or to addiction.

God is saying, "I love you and yet you betray me at the drop of a hat. I feel so much pain. Can't you see we're made for each other? I want you to come back to me." (Jer 2:23-25)

"Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God." ~G.K. Chesterton

"We are half-hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." ~C.S. Lewis

If we listen to our heart again, perhaps for the first time in a while, it tells us how weary it is of the familiar and the indulgent.

Intrigued by these things and feeling the wind's free play on our face in a way we have almost forgotten, we seriously consider stepping out down the road we have so long feared and avoided. Just then our old lovers reach out for us with a vengeance. They promise us they will fill our heart to overflowing again if we will just give them one more chance. They even promise to become more religious if that will help.

Batter my heart, three personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine and seek to mend.
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new,
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labor to admit you, but, oh to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend;
But is captive and proves week or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you and would be loved fain;
But am betrothed unto your enemy,
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you , imprison me, for I,
Except that you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
"Batter My Heart" ~ John Donne

Every Great Story involves a quest.

Abraham left "his country, his people, and his father's household" to follow the most outlandish sort of promise from a God he'd only just met, and he never comes back. The Sacred Romance involves for every soul a journey of heroic proportions. And while it may require for some a change of geography, for every soul it means a journey of the heart.

Our story is written by God who is more than author, he is the romantic lead in our personal dramas. He created us for himself and now he is moving heaven and earth to restore us to his side.

Our desire is wild because it is made for a wild God.

"An adventure is, by nature, a thing that comes to us. It is a thing that chooses us, not a thing that we choose." ~Chesterton

So much of the journey forward involves a letting go of all that once brought us life.

Faith is not the same thing as denial. Its not about pretending life is better than it is.

"Things will never change." <-- That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to "make all things new." Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers. You cannot out dream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation.

Memory, Imagination, and a passion for Glory - these we must keep close at hand if we are to see the journey to the end.

The intimacy represented by married love is what God desires with each of us and so the imagery of courtship is what we must consider.

We all want to be someone's Hero or Beauty, to be in a relationship of Heroic Proportions. It is a core longing God himself placed within us and a deep part of our identity as men and women. It is in how we go about being heroes and beauties that is the issue.

Isaiah 57:9-10 ~ God calls Israel to repent by admitting her weariness and fainting. Instead, she looks for ways to use her personal assets to redeem herself. But what if we were to listen to our hearts, and hear it as a need to faint, a need to lay down our "doings" and simply make our needs known to Christ, and rest in him?

"Without solitude, we remain acolytes of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self." ~Henri Nouwen

A story is only as good as its ending. Even the best stories leave you empty if the last chapter is disappointing.

"But doesn't knowing the ending take away the drama?" I asked.
"It only takes away the fear and frees you to enjoy the drama," she said.

It doesn't matter if its a dull lie or a dull truth.
Dullness, not doubt, is the strongest enemy of faith,
just as indifference, not hate, is the strongest enemy of love.

Desire keeps us moving forward; memory keeps us moving in the right direction.

I believe we need to hold the creeds in one hand and our favorite forms of art in the other. These are films, books, poems, songs, and paintings I return to again and again for some deep reason in my heart. Taking a closer look, I see that they all tell me about some part of the Sacred Romance. They help wake me to a deeper remembrance. As Don Hudson has said, "Are is, in the final analysis, a window on heaven."

In the story of the Last Supper, we are told that Jesus knew "he had come from God and was returning to God," and lived his life of selfless love to the end. He remembered both where he had come from and where he was going (John 13:3). And so much we.

Notes and Quotes From "The Sacred Romance"

I'm half way done with the book. This is me documenting the stuff that really spoke to me and a few other things relating to what spoke to me.

"The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:25

You long to be in a love affair, an adventure. You know it.

We learn to enjoy the juicy intrigues and secrets of gossip. We make sure to maintain enough distance between ourselves and others, and even between ourselves and our own heart, to keep hidden the practical agnosticism we are living now that our inner life has been divorced from our outer life.

The beauty of sunsets and rainbow gets "explined away" - but there is still the miricle of light. Don't let science and psychology explain away the beauty. The beauty is still there.

The deepest part of our heart longs to be bound together in some heroic purpose with others of like mind and spirit.

There was a girl I loved but couldn't love (intimacy requires a heart that is released and mine was pinned down with unknown fears and grief.)

"The Message from the Arrows" is always the same: Kill your heart. Divorce it, neglect it, run from it, or indulge it with various addictions to numb it.

My heart is good,because it was made for Someone good.

Life will flourish when we give it away in love and heroic sacrifice. God is good. You can release the well-being of your heart to him.

"If I don't want so much, I won't be so vulnerable." Instead of dealing with the Arrows, we silence the longing. Thatseems to be our only hope. And so we lose heart.

"Romance is the deepest thing in life, romance is even deeper than reality." -G.K. Chesterton

We constantly try to make sense out of our experiences. We look for coherence, a flow, an assurance that things fit together.

Most of us sense that we are alone in this world. No one has ever been there for us with the strength, tenderness, and consistency that we long for. Even in the best situations, people will eventually let us down.

I was made for nobal things.

Scripture is a cosmic drama - creation, fall, redemption, future, hope - drastic naratives that you can apply to all areas of your life.

Like Indiana Jones's love interests in the movies, we find ourselves caught up in an adventure of heroic proportions with a God who both seduces us with his boldness and energy and repels us with his willingness to place us in mortal danger.

How can I trust a lover who is so wild? You could love him if you knew his heart was good.

In stories, we love the hero because he is one of us, an dyet somehow rises above the fray to be better and wiser and more loving as we hope one day we might prove to be.

What if we saw God not as Author, the cosmic mastermind behind all human experience, but as the central character in the larger story? What could we learn about his heart?

God may not always be obvious, but He is there: discernible, knowable, reachable, dependable, and ever weloming.

The best things in life were meant to be shared.

One early mystic says we were created out of the laughter of the Trinity.

Power can do everything but the most important thing: it cannot control love. This fact may explain why God sometimes seems shy to use his power. "God's problem is not that God is not able to do certain things. God's problem is that God loves. Love complicates the life of God as it complicates every life." -Douglas John Hill

From "Disappointment with God" :

Suppose there was a king who loved a humble maiden.

The king was like no other king.

Every statesman trembled before his power. No one dared breathe a word against him, for he had the strength to crush all opponents.

And yet this mighty king was melted by love for a humble maiden.

How could he declear his love for her?

In an odd sort of way, his kingliness tied his hands. If he brought her to the palace and crowned her head with jewels and clothed her body in royal robes, she would surely not resist - no one dared resist him.

But would she love him?

She would say she loved him, of course, but would she truly?

Or would she live with him in fear, nursing a private grief for the life she had left behind?

Would she be happy at his side?

How could he know?

If he rode to her forest cottage in his royal carriage, with an armed escort waving bright banners, that too would overwhelm her. He did not want a cringing subject. He wanted a lover, an equal.

He wanted her to forget that he was a king and she a humble maiden and to let shared love cross the gulf between them.

For it is only in lov ethat the unequal can be made equal.

The king clothes himself as a beggar and renounces his throne in order to win her hand. The Incarnation, the life and death of Jesus, shows once and for all God's heart towards us.

"Our hope is in his determination to save us and he will not give in." -Simon Tugwell

We were made for The Garden. The heart of the universe is still perfect love.

We long to be known and we fear it like nothing else.

Identity is bestowed. We are who we are in relation to others. But far more important, we draw our identity from our impact on those others - if and how we affect them. We long to make a difference in the lives of others, to know that we matter, that our presence cannot be replaced by a pet, a possession, or even another person.

The gospet says we were stolen from our True Love and he launched the greatest campaign in the history of the world to get us back. When we turned our back on him, he promised to come for us. He sent personal messengers; he used beauty and affliction to recapture our hearts. After all else failed, he conceived the most daring of plans. Under the cover of the night, he stole in the enemy's camp incognito, the Ancient of Days disguised as a newborn. God risked it all to rescue us. Why? What is it that he sees in us that causes him to act the jealous lover, to lay siege both on the kingdom of darkness and on our own idolatries as if on Troy - not to annihilate, but to win us once again from himself? This fierce intention, this reckless ambition that shoves all conventions aside, willing literally to move heaven and earth - what does he want from us?

What he is after is us - our laughter, our tears, our dreams, our fears, our heart of hearts.

The evaluation of your soul, which is drawn from a world filled with people still terribly confused about the nature of their souls, is probably wrong.

Back To Being In Love

There are two things I know for sure: I am back on track and I love Kelsey! And I really feel like I will be in Texas for SOE as April begins. Last night, I was blessed to spend some time with an amazing friend. I didn't really even realize how far I wondered off the race track. It feels good to be back in the running.

During my last week in Korea, a man prayed over me. It was not just the basic, "Oh Lord, guide her and help her seek you." kind of prayer. It was very weirdly specific and amazing. It is also weird to look back on it this morning. He told me I was very smart and very kind and that was very dangerous. I have lots of wisdom and knowledge, but it needs to become Biblical. He told me that I have the heart of Solomon. I need to be praying for discernment, to know what is of God and what is not of God. I need to be praying for God's help in making the right choices. I need to be praying for courage. I need to stand bold. All of this made sense then, but it means so much more now.

As I was in Korea, God was taking me through the life of King David. God taught me a lot of life lessons through 1 and 2 Samuel. The night that man prayed for me, I had finished reading 2 Samuel. The next book, I learned, was 1 Kings -- about King David's son, King Solomon. So I just began. Solomon is known as being the wisest person to ever live. But I've been learning that wisdom is not just knowing things, its acting on those things. Wisdom is both the ability to discern what is best and the strength of character to act upon that knowledge. And after talking with Kelsey last night these are the ways I have gotten back on track:

• Life is about being Loved by God! and loving Him because you just can't help yourself. Jesus did some amazing things pursuing my heart during DTS. Like crazy beautiful things. I feel dumb, and I guess embarrassed at how I've put that up on the shelf instead of dwelling on it and praising Him for it every day. That's where everything starts. My focus left Jesus. Matthew 6:33 says that if we just seek God, everything else falls into place. I've experienced this. I know its true. I'm embarrassed at how I've been stressing about things that just don't matter. I'm embarrassed at how distracted I have become. The biggest change in my thinking is that my heart and my mind and my body are all for Jesus once again.
• Spinning off of this - relationship issues are once again taking the seat farthest away from my focus. I've said this before, and easily was drawn back to it. I am not in a place of even thinking about dating. I need to become a Bride of Christ. I need to fully 100% solid foundationally belong to Him before I even think about bringing someone else into my life. I need to develop good solid friendships. I don't need to feel rushed to make choices. That is not from God. I don't need to force myself to open up to someone. God doesn't work like that. God prepares you and equips you. He is loving. So loving. And His plans and dreams for me are bigger than any I have ever had for myself. He has already shown me some of them. I know He has my life so close to His heart. The worries I have surrounding relationships are not from God. He is so in control and just wants to love on me with no distractions. Yes please :)
• Also spinning off of the first point - for probably the first time in my life, I let a "Godly" thing distract me from...well from God haha. I have been stressing over where the money will be coming from to go back down to Tyler, TX for SOE. I've been trying to make plans - Plan A, Plan B, Plan G, etc. I don't need these plans. God already has a plan. He wouldn't have called me to SOE if He didn't have a plan of how to get me there. I just need to rest and be in love with Him and take steps when He tells me to take steps.
• Prayer makes a difference in everything. I have forgotten this. I have forgotten some of the things I've learned and the things I've seen. Prayer is going to once again be on my mind all the time for everything.
  

I just thank my God for great friends that love Him and for accountability. There is so much power from that. I thank God for giving me experiences where I have learned to hear His voice. I have learned to be in His presence. I have learned, and continue to learn, how much He loves me, how much He wants to love me, and how to let Him love me.

I am about to start a new book: "The Sacred Romance." I am so ready to let Jesus love me and to fall more and more in love with Him. It feels so good to have my heart back where it belongs.

Debreifing Week and Minnesota

Yes, Trent and I are back in Minnesota...just in time for this awesome snow...please note the sarcasm. We spent a week in Texas after flying back from South Korea to debrief. I got to FINALLY see my beautiful Kelsey along with the rest of my awesome YWAM family. It felt so good to be back on the base. The colors were literally brighter. The week went by really fast.

Now I am back at home. It feels so good to be around my family again. I feel like my life is pretty up in the air right now. As of right now, I am feeling led to go back to YWAM Tyler to participate in the second half of my school: School of Evangelism. It is another chunk of 3 months of lecture and a 2 month outreach. However, with needing to pay my school loans, I'm having a hard time believing Trent and I will be back in Texas come April 1st. But I do trust in my King. I know He is my Provider. And if He wants me to be in Texas on April 1st to do an SOE, then He will make that happen. So I guess this month will be a huge lesson on trusting God, trusting that He will do what He says, but also trusting in His timing. I guess that's what my blogs will be about this month. Updates on how God provides. I feel like for the past couple days, God has been telling me to expect miracles. A miracle is for sure what is needed if I'll be starting SOE in a month. I guess crazier things have happened :) And no matter what, my God is a good God. No matter what, the past 5 months with YWAM have been so life changing, and I am so thankful for them and everything that God during that time. Thank you so much to everyone who supported Trent and I, either through prayer or financially. May God bless you all so much. I do not believe this adventure is over yet :)