Back To Being In Love

There are two things I know for sure: I am back on track and I love Kelsey! And I really feel like I will be in Texas for SOE as April begins. Last night, I was blessed to spend some time with an amazing friend. I didn't really even realize how far I wondered off the race track. It feels good to be back in the running.

During my last week in Korea, a man prayed over me. It was not just the basic, "Oh Lord, guide her and help her seek you." kind of prayer. It was very weirdly specific and amazing. It is also weird to look back on it this morning. He told me I was very smart and very kind and that was very dangerous. I have lots of wisdom and knowledge, but it needs to become Biblical. He told me that I have the heart of Solomon. I need to be praying for discernment, to know what is of God and what is not of God. I need to be praying for God's help in making the right choices. I need to be praying for courage. I need to stand bold. All of this made sense then, but it means so much more now.

As I was in Korea, God was taking me through the life of King David. God taught me a lot of life lessons through 1 and 2 Samuel. The night that man prayed for me, I had finished reading 2 Samuel. The next book, I learned, was 1 Kings -- about King David's son, King Solomon. So I just began. Solomon is known as being the wisest person to ever live. But I've been learning that wisdom is not just knowing things, its acting on those things. Wisdom is both the ability to discern what is best and the strength of character to act upon that knowledge. And after talking with Kelsey last night these are the ways I have gotten back on track:

• Life is about being Loved by God! and loving Him because you just can't help yourself. Jesus did some amazing things pursuing my heart during DTS. Like crazy beautiful things. I feel dumb, and I guess embarrassed at how I've put that up on the shelf instead of dwelling on it and praising Him for it every day. That's where everything starts. My focus left Jesus. Matthew 6:33 says that if we just seek God, everything else falls into place. I've experienced this. I know its true. I'm embarrassed at how I've been stressing about things that just don't matter. I'm embarrassed at how distracted I have become. The biggest change in my thinking is that my heart and my mind and my body are all for Jesus once again.
• Spinning off of this - relationship issues are once again taking the seat farthest away from my focus. I've said this before, and easily was drawn back to it. I am not in a place of even thinking about dating. I need to become a Bride of Christ. I need to fully 100% solid foundationally belong to Him before I even think about bringing someone else into my life. I need to develop good solid friendships. I don't need to feel rushed to make choices. That is not from God. I don't need to force myself to open up to someone. God doesn't work like that. God prepares you and equips you. He is loving. So loving. And His plans and dreams for me are bigger than any I have ever had for myself. He has already shown me some of them. I know He has my life so close to His heart. The worries I have surrounding relationships are not from God. He is so in control and just wants to love on me with no distractions. Yes please :)
• Also spinning off of the first point - for probably the first time in my life, I let a "Godly" thing distract me from...well from God haha. I have been stressing over where the money will be coming from to go back down to Tyler, TX for SOE. I've been trying to make plans - Plan A, Plan B, Plan G, etc. I don't need these plans. God already has a plan. He wouldn't have called me to SOE if He didn't have a plan of how to get me there. I just need to rest and be in love with Him and take steps when He tells me to take steps.
• Prayer makes a difference in everything. I have forgotten this. I have forgotten some of the things I've learned and the things I've seen. Prayer is going to once again be on my mind all the time for everything.
  

I just thank my God for great friends that love Him and for accountability. There is so much power from that. I thank God for giving me experiences where I have learned to hear His voice. I have learned to be in His presence. I have learned, and continue to learn, how much He loves me, how much He wants to love me, and how to let Him love me.

I am about to start a new book: "The Sacred Romance." I am so ready to let Jesus love me and to fall more and more in love with Him. It feels so good to have my heart back where it belongs.